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choices Archives - Page 2 of 4 - Carolyn CAREs

Tag: choices

“People Are Just as Wonderful as Sunsets….”

CarolynCares Sunsets and People

This quote by Carl R Rogers was so fitting today. Sometimes we encounter people who drive us crazy. When we see these people in person, we just want to hurry the conversation along so we can escape and go chat with our friends. Then again, there are those conversation on social media, where you swear someone will argue with you over the color of the sky, simply because they have it in their minds that you’ll never have anything in common.

I love the opening line – “People are just as wonderful as sunsets if you let them be.” If you let them be…wonderful. If you let them be…human. If you let them be…imperfect. They are still just as wonderful as sunsets. Just because I think a woman is going to be crabby and whining after church doesn’t mean I shouldn’t take the time to really listen to what she’s saying, and what she’s not saying. Is she crabby about someone not talking to her ever because her memory is going, and she cannot remember the last conversation? Or, is it her way of saying she’s lonely?

When we’re typing rants, comments, statuses, or sharing other posts online, do we let our biases about certain people or groups of people dictate how we respond to them? For instance, if the conversation is centered around whether PB&J is better with grape jelly or strawberry jam, are the grape jelly fans going to treat the strawberry jam lovers as if they are just as wonderful as sunsets?

People are just as wonderful as sunsets. Just as every sunset is different, people are different. Don’t try so hard to change everyone to fit what you think they should be. Just sit back, and enjoy watching your relationships unfold. After all, social media is about relationships just as life is about relationships.

 

How to Create a Positive Conversation in Agriculture

CarolynCares Love Hope Optimism

Have you noticed a change in people’s attitudes on Social Media this winter? At first, I blamed it on the Polar Vortex. However, it hasn’t improved at all with the snow melt! The negative blog posts, personal attacks, and unnecessary use of inflammatory adjectives have really gotten me down. I’ve had troubles writing lately, because I feel like whatever positive I had to say about my farm, or agriculture in general, would be drowned out by all the negative posts and editorials written about what I do.

While looking at photos and quotes for my Wordless Wednesday posts, I noticed I gravitated towards certain themes. Positive Attitude. Kindness. Respect. The more I focused on the quotes relating to those themes, the better I felt. So, how can we create a positive conversation in agriculture amidst all the negativity?

1. Have a Positive Attitude. Let’s be real. Sometimes you have to fake it ‘til you make it on those days when it seems like everyone is trying to get under your skin. It’s okay to walk away before responding. A positively worded response can preserve most relationships, or help others to understand where you are coming from. The conversations you have today will influence how others see you tomorrow. “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” Proverbs 15:1

2. Show a little Kindness. I think we sometimes get so wrapped up in “me” that we lose sight of what goes on outside of our little world. People love to make fun of labels on packages if they think those labels are unnecessary. Those labels were not meant for you…they were meant for those whose lives may be affected by the ingredients in that product. Gluten Free items are not only for those who suffer from Celiac Disease, but are also important for those with a wheat allergy. There are many people who are diagnosed with an illness, and are told by their doctor they need to avoid certain ingredients. They may not have a computer at home to check lists of approved foods, so the labels become very important to them. Just because it is not your label, does not mean it isn’t someone else’s. “In life you can never be too kind or too fair; everyone you meet is carrying a heavy load. When you go through your day expressing kindness and courtesy to all you meet, you leave behind a feeling of warmth and good cheer, and you help alleviate the burdens everyone is struggling with.” -Brian Tracy

3. Respect is more than the title to an Aretha Franklin song. Agriculture is so individual that there is a lot of room for disagreement. The most difficult thing to remember is that what works for me on my farm, and with my management style is not going to work for you. To respect the differences in styles, methods, crops, livestock raised, we must refrain from using the inflammatory adjectives that are only meant to hurt. Calling someone anti-science, a cult, or a mafia is no better than calling someone a shill, a factory farm, or toxic. Name calling is a sure way to destroy any credibility you may have had with consumers. We want to be the trusted source, yet we are constantly attacking each other because we are different. Instead, I think we need to embrace the diversity, and respect ourselves. “To be one, to be united is a great thing. But to respect the right to be different is maybe even greater.” –Bono

Some may say it is wishful thinking to try and have a positive conversation in agriculture. I am confident it can be done. The change in attitude needs to start now. Are you with me?

“You must be the change you wish to see in the world.” – Mahatma Gandhi

Loving the Good – A Challenge

CarolynCares Love One Another

Our scripture texts for this week’s mid-week Lenten service have been on my mind all day. The first reading was from Micah 6, with verse 8 really standing out. “He has told you, O mortal, what is good; and what does the Lord require of you but to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God?” That sounds so simple, doesn’t it?

The second reading was from Romans 12:9-13. The photo above contains the portion of the text that has stayed with me today. Again, the words sound so simple. “Don’t just pretend that you love others: really love them.” Another version says, “Let your love be genuine.”

When was the last time you showed real love for others? Too often we say one thing, but are thinking another. We say things to please or appease our audience, thinking they will like us if we say what we think they want to hear. Is popularity the driving force behind posts, or is it an outpouring of what is truly in your heart?

Everyone sees things thorough their own filter. My reality is different than your reality. In my opinion, that is the way it should be. I think where things go wrong, is when we feel our way is the only way. When we insist that we are the only “right” ones, we are not really loving others. We cannot honor each other if we are too busy judging them based on our own set of rules as to what is right.

My mind tends to connect scripture lessons and snippets of Pastor’s sermons to things happening in agriculture.  Lately, I haven’t been feeling much love on social media when it comes to agriculture. So many articles, memes, blog posts, tweets, statuses, whatever, have been divisive. If you don’t agree with this person, you are a shill. If you don’t agree with that person, you are anti-science. If you choose to eat this food, you are an elitist. If you choose to eat that food you are poisoning your family. Read my 10 truths about this farming system that I have no experience in, but am writing about anyway. Sometimes I just want to bang my head on the wall! One thought from Pastor’s sermon seemed to fit into these feelings. We want a set of rules to follow, yet we don’t all agree on the rules. The rules were made to make order out of chaos, yet now we have chaos because we don’t like the rules. It helps to explain church denominations…yet the same can be said for agriculture. There is no one hard and fast rule about how to grow things…or even what things to grow. Yet, we want to separate people into categories, and we judge them based on which category we put them into. Doesn’t make a lot of sense, does it?

This is the part where I’m really thankful for grace and forgiveness. As much as I try to live like these scripture passages say, I know that I will fail. That doesn’t mean that it’s okay to give up on trying! Some days, being kind is awfully difficult. That is when I need to hate the wrong…the wrong being my attitude. Some people like to make loving them more of a challenge, but when you are loving the good, you can usually find something to love. 🙂

My challenge to you, is to work on really loving others, and focus on the positives when you write. Think about how your post might be perceived by those who do not live in your box. Was the post written with good intentions, or was it written because others have posted on this topic and received a good response?

The power to change the attitude of the multitude begins with one…you. Love the good!

 

Fun Fact Friday – The Hatfields and McCoys

We’ve been touring Pikeville and Pike County, Kentucky for the past few days. Our daughter and her fiance will be moving here following their wedding, when he begins medical school. This area is full of history, but the most interesting to us this visit was the Hatfield & McCoy family feud. We drove part way through the driving tour, on winding mountain roads that are not suited for prairie dwellers like me! The area is absolutely beautiful, and it was easy to picture the places that were described on the CD narration. We made one stop at the Blackberry Post Office, where the feuds began.

CarolynCares Hatfields and McCoys

The lesson that we came away with, was the importance of forgiveness. All of this might have been avoided with good communication, and a willingness to forgive. We can’t let past hurts and wrongs fester in our hearts. Nothing good ever comes from it.

“Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven.” Luke 6:37 NIV

Kindness…

People are getting testy. Maybe it’s the weather, or maybe I’m just letting it get to me a little more. I’m not sure.

This past week, the new Farm Bill was finally passed by both the House and the Senate, and was signed into law by President Obama. Many in agriculture are breathing a sigh of relief…and many are whining and venting on social media. The Farm Bill is not perfect. There are areas where we still need to work with our elected officials to make changes as stand alone legislation. The key is, we need to WORK WITH our elected officials. Calling them names, shaming them on social media, and calling their offices in moments of anger is NOT working with them.

When kids at school were giving me a bad time, my mom used to tell me to kill them with kindness. There are even references in the Bible that talk about being kind to your enemies. Sweet words soothe crying babies, help comfort broken hearts, and bring calming to those who may be acting out in frustration. I have seen it work many times. I have also seen people shrink away and become defensive when angry words are hurled at them. The power of words is amazing.

I may not agree with, or even really like some of my elected officials, but if I want to have a working relationship with them, I must treat them with kindness and respect. That includes communications with them on social media, in emails, or in person.  I truly believe that burning bridges is one of the worst things I can do as an advocate for agriculture. Badgering public officials on something I don’t agree with is not going to make them jump to my aid if I need them to side with me on another issue.

The same could be said for belittling those who may not agree with your farming style, or your food choices. If we want our consumers to know that we have the safest, most affordable food supply in the world, why are we constantly fighting between ourselves in public? We are our own worst enemies. We spend so much time accusing the “other side” of using junk science, or emotion to justify their opinions, that we have failed to show just how good our farms are. We have failed to show the reasons why we raise our animals the way we do. We have failed to show how many families are out working every day so we all have plenty to eat. Just think of how awesome it would be if we stood up for one another, or promoted agriculture as a whole. Chipotle and Panera’s ad campaigns wouldn’t have a (chicken) leg to stand on.  Let’s not burn bridges between farmers. Farmers that need to come together to make changes in immigration reform, or mCOOL, or township ordinances…

The quote that I put on the photo below fit so well with how I was feeling this week watching my social media feeds. Instead of being frustrated or angry, I am going to focus on being kind. Maybe, just maybe, it will catch on! Want to join me?

CarolynCares Kindness

Don’t Be a Pringle – The Importance of Individuality in American Agriculture

We all read comments about how farming should be as it was in “grandpa’s” day. We need to look a certain way, or raise a variety of animals in order to be a “real family farm”.  They want us all to look the same…like Pringles.

CarolynCares Pringle

I don’t know about you, but I think that is boring! I also think it is rather foolish to insist that all farms look the same, and grow or raise the same things. My farm in Minnesota is not able to grow oranges or grapefruit. Nor are we able to raise onions or cabbage in January. On the other hand, farms in southern Texas are not able to grow field corn like we can. Climate, soil types, and rainfall are all things that affect how well certain plants are able to grow in an area.

I like to think that American agriculture is a lot like a bag of potato chips…

CarolynCares OriginalChips

When you open a bag of potato chips, there are all different sizes and shapes. The same holds true for American farms and ranches. If you look closely at the bowl of chips, you will see some that are large, some small, and some that are unique. Even though they are very different, they all taste the same. They are, after all, basically the same thing. Original flavor potato chips.

If you look at these chips as farms, there are all different sizes and shapes of farms. Some are large, some are small, and some are unique. If you put all these farmers in a room (bowl) together, you have a bunch of farmers who are farming for basically the same reasons – they love the land, they love their animals, and they want to take care of both so that they are able to pass their farm or ranch on to the next generation.

When you cruise down the snack aisle of the grocery store, there are a lot of choices between flavors, cooking method, potato type, and brand. We can look at those as being different types of farms. There are dairy farms, vegetable farms, livestock farms, crop farms…you get the idea.

I asked each member of my family what their favorite flavor of potato chip was, and they were all different. I’m pretty sure that differences in opinion within a family on how to do things on a farm or ranch is not that uncommon, either.

CarolynCares Different Flavors

This may seem overly simplistic to some, but I hope you get the idea. We need the diversity in agriculture in order for us to have the opportunity to eat a well balanced diet. A well balanced diet meaning a variety of foods eaten in moderation, not meaning a potato chip in each hand. 🙂 We need the diversity in size, in management style, in location, and we need both vegetation (crops), and animals to make our food system work as a whole. There is no one right way to farm or ranch. That should be an individual decision made by the farmers and ranchers who are on their land and tending to their animals every day.

Suddenly, I’m hungry. I think I’ll go eat a Pringle. I just won’t be one!

Why Perfection is Overrated

Have you ever uttered the phrase, “I’ll be happy when…”? Have you felt discouraged when looking at all of the cute home decorating pins on Pinterest, while you struggle to just keep your house dusted and your floors clean?

We live in society that is so judgmental. You need to look like this to be pretty. You need to wear that to be popular. You have to decorate your house this way to impress your guests. I am 40 (something), yet I still feel like I am in high school. I will never be an “it” girl, and quite frankly, I am thankful. I have spent enough years trying to be something I’m not, in an attempt to be accepted by people who will never give me the time of day. Even articles about how to be this or that in 10 easy steps make many women feel inadequate. Why do we do this to ourselves?

Who cares if you don’t have time to fully decorate your house for every holiday? Celebrate the holiday how YOU want to celebrate it, not how some magazine says you should. There is no way that I would ever think of making turkeys out of cupcakes, cookies, and candies. It’s not my style, and would only stress me out. I’d rather focus on the meal, and the guests at the table. Last Christmas, I didn’t get around to putting any ornaments on our tree. If it wasn’t a prelit tree, it probably wouldn’t have gotten any lights, either.

Who cares if every meal is not presented a la Martha Stewart? When my kids were young, we just tried to get a hot meal into them without tears, spilled milk, or something breaking. Feed your kids a variety of foods, and they’ll be happy. It doesn’t matter what brands you use, or where you shop. The important thing is sitting down together as much as possible to eat as a family. The conversations around the table are so much better when we are not stressed out about everything being perfect. It is totally acceptable to use paper towels as napkins at our house!

Who cares if you do not look like a supermodel? I have spent many years hating my body. Has that made me look any better? Nope. My self image issues have been noted by my daughters. It makes me sad that they have some of the same insecurities that I have, because that is what was modeled to them as they were growing up. Am I happier when I’m thinner? Yes and no. Being thin didn’t make me happy because I was thin. I was happy because certain body parts didn’t hurt as much, and I was able to do things that I couldn’t while heavy. After a couple of knee and foot injuries, I am no longer thin…but I’m not beating myself up over it anymore. I am working to reduce my weight, but not because I think that is the key to happiness. I know I need to do it for my long term health. Being healthy is important. Being skinny is not.

Who cares if you are a stay at home mom, or have a job outside the home? Every person’s career choice is based on their personal situation. Yes, there are times we are forced to make a decision based on factors outside our control, but it is still based on your situation.  The whys of your choices should not matter to anyone else. Our value isn’t determined by how much money we make a month. What should be valued is making a difference in the lives of other people. If that means staying home, great. If that means working outside the home, great. Don’t let anyone else tell you what you “should” be doing…unless it’s your boss.

Who cares if you are married, or if you have children? Having a child is not the end all be all of life. There are plenty of couples out there who are unable to have children, as well as those who choose not to have children. There are a thousand reasons why that may be, and to be frank, it’s none of our business. Same goes with those who are single. It really isn’t our business as to why someone is single. Some like it that way. Others would like a relationship, but haven’t found the right one yet. That doesn’t mean we should treat them any differently than anyone else.

Who cares if you don’t meet societies standards of the perfect farm wife or farmer. I may do many things on our farm, but I draw the line at things I consider yucky. I get reallly squeamish when it comes to spiders, mice, and snakes. If I see any rodents, I am outta there faster than you can say, “but they are more scared of you than you are of them.” Not possible! I admire women who drive grain trucks, who can back a trailer straight, and are not afraid to jump in a grain cart and just go. Admiring them for their abilities does not mean I think less of myself. I know my limitations, and I know what makes for a good working relationship with my husband. The role I have on our farm is one that Jonathan and I have worked out between the two of us. I don’t make perfect field meals, I don’t plan ahead enough to make freezer meals, and sometimes we’re lucky if we eat supper by 10:00 pm. You don’t have to be a man to be a farmer! The number of female farmers is increasing every year. If farming is what you want to do, do it!

Perfection is so overrated. We spend so much time chasing it that we forget to be happy with who we are, where we are right now. We are humans – crazy, flawed humans. We will never fit into the airbrushed molds of perfection. Love yourself, love your neighbor, love your crazy flawed life. Then, you will be happy.

 

30 Days of Thanksgiving – Day 21: OATF

What? No photo? I totally failed on this one. I brought my camera along to our first Organic Advisory Task Force meeting, and I forgot to ask for a group photo.

So, what is the OATF, and why am I thankful for them?

The Organic Advisory Task Force is a group of 15 individuals from around the state of Minnesota who meet a couple of times a year to discuss the organic industry in our state. We then advise the Minnesota Department of Agriculture, and the University of Minnesota on policy and research issues. The group is made up of farmers, processors, distributors, certifying agencies, University faculty, a non-profit general farm organization representing farmers, and the public.

The coolest thing about this group, besides the people, is that farmers get to hear from consumers (processors, distributors and the public) as well as the certifying agencies and the faculty, and everyone else gets to hear from the farmers. I love how we all come together with the goal of finding a consensus on the issues facing the organic industry. I am thankful for the opportunities that we have to share with each other, and the friendships that are made.

On Tuesday, the new 3 year term began. We were able to hear from a Deputy Commissioner of Ag and Deans from the University of Minnesota. We also had a chance to share what the concerns are in the area we represent. We had some really good discussions! One thing that was made clear to the Deans, is that with funding sources shrinking all the time, that they hire faculty that is friendly towards organic agriculture. We realize the importance of shared research and resources, and know that there are many research areas that benefit both organic and conventional agriculture. We are not a group of extremists that are hell bent on taking down anyone. We focus on ways to support and educate what the organic farming and food system is about.

I am thankful for all of the members of this Task Force, and I am thankful that I have been given the opportunity to serve as their chair.

 

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